Wine and Grief

Spit buckets are for scaredy-cats and space cadets.  Go big with your emotionally appropriate wine, and go home self-actualized, at last.

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Early Girl

Most people wouldn’t suspect that the best early-growth heirloom tomatoes in North America might come from a rented second-story apartment above a yoga studio in Chicago, Illinois.

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Film Review: A Bird in the Hand

My complete amnesia in regards to seeing this film turns out to be a widely experienced phenomenon across America. The film has been near the top of the box office for six weeks, and reason is that people are seeing the movie two, three, or even four times, forgetting they’ve seen it already.

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The Pop-Up Restaurant

Sure, The Pulitzer would’ve been the world’s only 4-star Michelin Restaurant. How do we know this? Delicious is too naive an adjective for this level of sensory profusion. Before you touched their food to your lips, you agreed on a safe word.

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The Goldfish

It was time to teach my son about death, so I took him to a pet store in Chinatown. I told Cynthia we were going to do “guy stuff.” I knew if she came along she’d want me to buy Jack a puppy, and that’s not happening. He has to learn to understand the temporary nature of things, right now.

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Business Writing's Silent Killer: Passive Voice.

A  decision  was  made  by  the  committee.
On  all  future  correspondence,  the  agent  of  action
will  be  put  behind  the  verb.  The  effect  is  what
the  chairman  describes  as  "sounding  professional." 
Outside,  old  man  Jimmer  picks  through  the  doughnut  bag, 
banished  for  opposing  the  decision.

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The Shopping Lists of Rudy Shlomka

We know this much is certain: Rudy Shlomka wrote shopping lists. Perhaps the most important shopping lists ever written in English. Whether he actually went out and purchased anything on these lists is for the scholars and art critics to argue over. We at the Institute are interested in the facts.

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Ambient Plumbing

The problem was, I got fired from every job I’ve ever had because I kept rearranging things.

In the four years after graduating college, I had twenty-six jobs and they were all pretty much the same story. My last one was as a sub-contractor’s assistant for a place called Ambient Plumbing. At the time, the hot item in Lincoln Park and Bucktown was exposed pipes and wiring for the home. Ambient Plumbing didn’t do any plumbing per se, but was rather in the business of retrofitting old Chicago buildings so that the living spaces could incorporate that new trend. My job consisted of extirpating drywall or standing around holding fiberglass until it was called for. After a few days, I looked for ways of making my eight hours on the clock more captivating.

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